Cinderella’s Guide to Narcissim

Most people are familiar with the fairy tale about Cinderella. But what people don’t realize is that it is a treatise on Narcissitic Abuse. Let’s forget that stories like this give step-moms a bad rap. The truth is that it is easier to demonize step-mothers than accept that a biological mother could be a monster.

The traditional version is that Cinderella needs to find her Prince Charming to solve all her problems. What a tragic message! (Drew Barrymore’s movie Ever After sent a better message. Cinderella saved the prince and then herself.)

Swap out Step-Mother with Narc Mom. Yes, it’s a real thing. If you don’t believe me, check out the countless Facebook forums supporting thousands victims of narcissistic abuse. Better yet, read Malignant Self Love by Sam Vaknin or check out his YouTube Videos. Side note: if Freud is the Father of Psychology, then Sam Vaknin is the Father of Narcissim.

Now swap out “Step-Sisters” with “Golden Children.” In Narc Land, a Golden Child is the child who gets all the love and attention. Think of Harry Potter’s fat cousin who has a second bedroom to hold all his toys while poor Harry has to sleep in the cubby under the stairs.

Interestingly, Golden Children have their own issues. In Malignant Narcissitic Love, Vaknin explains that Golden Children are also Narcissitic Abuse Victims. They are prized possessions held to impossible standards. They instinctively use Modeling as a defense mechanism and then they, themselves, become narcissists.

Cinderella isn’t really a fairy tale; it’s a horror story.

Psychological Manipulation: “If you get all your chores done, you can go to the Ball.” And then Peanuts’ character Lucy pulls the football away from Charlie Brown and he lands on his ass for the millionth time. Again. And Again. Susceptibility to manipulation will follow Cinderella into adulthood and affect her relationships and self-esteem.

Psychological Abuse: Cinderella is disparaged, compared to the Golden Children. She is trapped and probably has PTSD. In real life, she doesn’t get a Fairy Godmother. Children’s Protective Services can’t do anything unless there are physical abuse. Adults won’t believe her because moms aren’t supposed to be monsters.

Dead Dad also deserves special mention. In real life, Dad might actually be deceased, but probably not.

Dead Dad is usually alive and comes in two forms - Passive Aggressive Dad and Alienated Dad.

Passive Aggressive Dad can’t help because he is intentionally working long hours and hiding in the garage on the weekends. He might try to connect with Cinderella, but not if it might incur Narc Mom’s wrath. Cinderella is left wondering why Dad doesn’t love her enough to protect her from Narc Mom.

Alienated Dad probably stood up to Narc Mom one too many times and they are now divorced. For simplicity’s sake we will assume that he is a decent guy.

Narc Mom will drag him through Family Court which is it’s own horror story. She will lie and commit perjury so that she can limit Dad’s time with Cinderella and try to terminate his visitation rights. Narc Mom will tell Cinderella that Dad was abusive and a monster hoping that Cinderella will hate Dad.

Cinderella will probably believe Narc Mom and try to punish Dad to get Narc Mom’s approval. Narc Mom will reinforce this behavior by only showing love and approval when Cinderella punishes Dad.

Narcissistic Abuse Victims, especially with Narc Moms, experience Stockholm’s Syndrome made famous by Patty Hearst. She believes the lies that everything is her own fault. She believes that Narc Mom loves her in the face of glaring evidence to the contrary.

Scared yet?

Let’s continue the narrative by saying that Cinderella found a Prince Charming.

Charming won’t understand Cinderella’s neurosis or believe that Narc Mom was a monster. His family won’t understand it either.

Narc Mom will charm Charming and might even try to sleep with him. (Yes, that’s a thing.) Narc Mom will compete with Cinderella’s Mother-in-Law. (Yes, that’s also a thing.) Narc Mom will gaslight, lie, and do everything she can to ruin Cinderella’s marriage. It’s the only way that Narc Mom can regain control over Cinderella. Narc Mom is incapable of loving Cinderella. Cinderella is a possession and Narcs don’t like to share.

Now for the really scary part. . . .

Narcissistic Abuse is so pandemic that June 1st is World Narcissitic Awareness Day.

I love self-proclaimed Narcissist Sam Vaknin because he is a lion talking about other lions. One of his YouTube videos, How to Manipulate a Narcissist, explains how a victim can manipulate her narcissist husband and get him back. He also explains that this is a deal with the devil.

The other experts (who have been narcissistic abuse victims)are gazelles explaining how a lion thinks. I’m not saying that they aren’t helpful. They are far more empathic than Vaknin who, by nature, exhibits veiled contempt for gazelles.

Now for the Stephen King horror story scary part. . . .

If you are an adult, you can choose to go No Contact and never speak to your Narc Mom again. It’s the number one recommended strategy for healing and survival. But what if you are a child?

Really think about the emotional trauma and suffering that children experience with a Narcissitic Parent. (Take the time to research it. YouTube alone has thousands of hours of videos.) If you’ve lived this nightmare, you know what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the children who don’t have a Fairy Godmother or even an adult who can step in and rescue them. They have no other option than to leave home once their adults and, maybe, seek years of therapy to undo the all the devastation.

These children are living a waking nightmare.

These children don’t get a Happily Ever After.